Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you didnt know i had herpes?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
