I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
