Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
