she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
