Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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