im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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