I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
