____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hippo gnu deer
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
