do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
