Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
