What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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