Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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