would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
