party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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