no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
