She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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