You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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