How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
