is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
