Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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