This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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