before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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