it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
