you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
