kristin has been a bad kristin
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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