He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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