I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
