I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
