She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
