I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize