Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize