Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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