Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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