we have officially lost it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
