No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize