I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
