i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
