return my video game
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize