and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
