There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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