Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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