you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He better not be in your backpack
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize