i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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