It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
