But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
