She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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