If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Are my feet made of real feet?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
