you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
