Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
