i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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