@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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