dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
