I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
