My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
