So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Damn victory sex feels great
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
