we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
