My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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