How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
