I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
