I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
