Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
