i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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