Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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