I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
