also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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