Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize