Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
