Buhtt sex?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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