oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
