Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Are we still banned from the library?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize