i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
