I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
