Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm gonna fight the coyote
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
