your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
