I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize