Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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